I really believe it. Read my evidence:
1.) Roaches would be the only species to survive a nuclear holocaust. I think this fact alone is sufficient evidence for my theory, but I will supply more.
2.) Once I discovered a large roach on the balcony of my apartment home in Memphis. I proceeded to unleash a fury of RAID brand Ant and Roach Killer spray. Now, most creatures would probably retreat from such a source of death, but no, not this guy. He charged. He plunged directly toward the source of the spray. He bull-rushed me across the balcony. This behavior is not instinctive.
3.) While in Abilene in the month of June, I encountered a small roach in my parents' garage. Thrilled to be wearing shoes at the moment, I crushed it and then kicked it out on to the driveway. I noticed it to be slowly limping in a short circle (counter clockwise because I had crushed it's left side). I was pleased for it to endure such pain, and figured it would crawl in a circle for about twenty minutes before dying. The next morning as I was preparing to leave, the creature was still limping in circles where I had left it! What the junk?! It survived seven hours! I don't understand how a living creature can survive for seven hours with half of its body completely shattered. Again, this is not natural.
4.) And perhaps the worst--a couple nights ago I was reading in bed before turning out the light. I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Yes, a roach darted from the wall and disappeared under my bed. Not good. I don't typically wear shoes to bed, so I had nothing with which to crush it. By the time I retrieved my RAID brand Ant and Roach Killer spray, I couldn't find it. I looked and looked. Couldn't find it. Couldn't sleep either. Not with the strong possibility of unwanted company in bed. So I retreived a flashlight and searched all the harder.
Once I found him, I unloaded at least a full two ounces of toxic spray from point blank range. It retreated to the back of my dresser, but I felt much better knowing that it would probably die back there (you would think I would have remembered story #3). Ten minutes later, I felt something crawl on my arm. I'm not kidding. I flung my arm and jumped out of bed with a yelp. I heard something make contact with the other side of the room. At this point, I knew I was not dealing with an ordinary creature. Do you understand my point? Of all the places he could have gone in my apartment, he came straight to the bed, climbed it and headed for me. This is not instinct. This is demon possession. As I turned on the light, retreived my glasses, flashlight, and RAID brand Ant and Roach Killer spray, I was also calling heaven down!
Rather than spray this time, I simply used the bottom of the can to crush it numerous times. Then I collected the pieces and flushed them down the toilet (and even added an extra flush to make sure nothing floated back up).
Things I've learned:
--Roaches are demon possessed
--RAID Ant and Roach Killer Spray is best utilitzed as a tool of beating rather than as a spray. Do not let the title confuse you. You also get more kills for the price this way.
--Never dismiss a roach until it is dead. Never assume the wound you have inflicted on a roach will be fatal. Never allow a roach to live. If you see one, kill it.